Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme: This one was introduced a few years back along with Cookies ‘n’ Mint. While I preferred the mint, I guess it wasn’t pulling its weight, cause it’s only the Creme nowadays. This has got "chocolate cookie bits in white chocolate", and while I was dazzled by the shiny foil wrapper, I was NOT impressed with the flavor. And since when is cream spelled creme? Are cream and creme different things? Is it the addition of cookies that turns cream into creme? Did you know that in the town of Hershey, PA, the streetlights are shaped like Hershey’s kisses (which is utterly ridiculous because the heat of the bulb would melt it if it were real chocolate). These are the thoughts that keep me from the really high paying jobs.
Rating: 1 out of five.
Milky Way Midnight: Don’t be fooled. This is just a Milky Way Dark. Mars Inc. redesigned the packaging right around when they put out those ads with the guy sucking on a coffee mug for the precious caramel fingerprint. Well, the new packaging looks good and the ‘midnight’ goes well with the whole stargazing motif. As does the name of the company that makes Milky Way.... Mars. Those guys thought of everything! "Bold, rich chocolate, golden caramel, vanilla nougat" –damn, I don’t even know what the hell regular nougat is, now vanilla.
Rating: 3 rotting teeth
Nestle Crunch Mocha: Not wanting to be left behind – the fellas over at Nestle (the namesake company of the inventor of milk chocolate) have come up with a gang of Crunch variations –well, two variations: The obviously unpleasant White Chocolate Crunch, and the Mocha Crunch. As far as I know, this is the first mocha flavored bar on the market. While I praise Nestle on a bold and risky concept unleashed with no advertising support, and I gotta say the milky-brown color is nice – yet the flavor is weak. Maybe the guys at Nestle drink some watered-down mocha, I don’t know, but I do know that this is not the crunch I’m buying on a regular basis.
Rating: 2 cups o' mocha bars
Snickers Munch: I’ve heard this thing has been around for a while. Maybe I just don’t notice candy that isn’t covered in chocolate. Anyways, this is actually a nice change and a much lighter dessert than the heavyweight Snickers. While I don’t fully agree with the packaging’s claims of "wholesome natural goodness", I gotta admit I’m impressed with the conciseness of the ingredients: peanuts, sugar, butter, corn syrup, salt, and soy lechithin. What, no nougat?!?
Rating: 3if you like Payday, 2 if you don’t
Snicker Cruncher: This one had me a bit worried at first. The bright orange wrapper, the rugged lettering, the massive point-of-purchase display at the check-out counter in Walgreen’s. Cruncher was screaming with desperation to be noticed, bought, and consumed. Like poisonous toads – bright colorful skin can reveal some nasty flavor, but Cruncher ain’t all that bad. Crisped Rice, Crunchy Peanuts, Caramel, Milk Chocolate – kinda like a Whatchamacallit with nuts. While not as wholesome or natural as it’s brother Munch, Snicker’s Cruncher is still worth a try.
Rating: 3 bright orange wrappers
KitKat BigKat: Here is a candy that I actually heard about word of mouth before I even saw it in a store. You know it’s gonna shake the nation when KitKat come out with something new. In Europe they have about 5 different styles of KitKat, including Dark Chocolate and Mint! ‘Bout Frickin’ Time we got a new style KitKat in America is what I say! So: Imagine one of the four sectional bars of a KitKat enlarged to the size of a mars bar. Sounds good, eh? Not to mention how fun it is to imagine your in the Land of Giant Candy when eating one. Unfortunately, BigKat fails to fulfill my expectations, and the Land of Giant Candy doesn’t really exist. This is a chocolate bar thrice better in concept than in execution. Crisp Wafers of Chocolate taste about the same, but somehow breaking apart a regular KitKat seems like a way better value... like getting four little BigKats for the price of one KitKat.
Rating: 2 breaks
Crispy M&M’s: A few years back, M&M decided to expand their line-up from regular and peanut with four new styles: Peanut Butter, Almond, Mint, and Crispy. My favorite was mint, so consequently it was discontinued. The others remain, and of them I designated Crispy as my M&M of choice. It is just some crisped air rice in a bloated M&M. The blue packaging matches my new shoes, yo! Tomorrow, Ima wear my yellow visor with yellow socks while eatin’ Peanut M&M, yo! Hella Tight!
Rating: 2 and 1/2 word 'em ups
ReeseSticks: Crispy wafers, peanut butter, milk chocolate – oh hell yes! And I’m talking about that salty style Reese’s peanut butter! mmm-MMMMMM! Wait... what’s it say here on the wrapper? "The Crisp You Can’t Resist". Uhhhhh- must every snack product have some half-assed attempt at a clever, rhyming slogan. And this one doesn’t even really rhyme! I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, after all the entire Reese’s empire is built on Reese’s Pieces. So close, yat so far.
Rating: 3 and 1/2 extra terrestrials
Reese’s Crunchy Cookie Cup: I’ll let you know right up front that the Cookie Cup was NOT Crunchy. Reese’s should stick to Pieces, and Peanut Butter, and regular Peanut Butter Cups, and Peanut Butter Baking Chips, and Breakfast Cereal, and ReeseSticks.
Rating: 1 leftover snack
Smores: Russel Stover, that guy who makes the assorted chocolate boxes for the holidays, well, he must have been pretty bored cause he’s come out with a whole mess of nastiness as of late. There a grip of nut clusters, and Peanut Butter cup style products, except with either Strawberry or Razberry Jelly. The only thing I was willing to try was these Marshmallow Graham Cracker Cups. The packaging is silver and reflective. These things should not be offered for public consumption. The Graham tasted like cardboard, the chocolate was substandard, and the marshmallow made the whole thing that much more difficult to choke down.
Rating: nuttin'
Wonka Xploder: Tongue crackilng chocolate is by far the most exciting candy hit the market in quite some time. Imagine, if you will, a crunch bar that had pop-rocks instead of rice crisps. I find it frightening, yet intriguing. The Xploder (despite the moronic spelling) is an awesome chocolate bar for the adventurous consumer. Wonka also has other new candies like Oompas: think candy coated vomit chunks, and, at last, the Wonka Bar – a huge chocolate and graham cracker chunk bar that’ll cost you a whole dollar. And, yes, of course they have a golden ticket contest to tour the factory and meet Willy Wonka himself. I tell you to take a risk and buy Xploder (known as Kboom in Australia) and live a little! I swear this thing exists, just keep looking.
Rating: 5 glorius five
Peanut Butter Twix: I distinctly recall eating these things in 5th grade, but right there on the packaging it says NEW with an exclamation point. The red foil packaging is very attractive; the cookie bars, as always, are crunchy, the chocolate is delicious, and the peanut butter is of the rich, salty variety. Outstanding! I like to gobble down the first bar really fast, and then slowly nibble and savor the second. The only thing wrong with this picture is that Twix, like Reesesticks, chose a new cheesey rhyming slogan. The pessimistically hilarious "Two For Me, None For You." champaign has been switched to "Get In The Mix With Twix". Darn it! Darn it to heck! To sum up – eat the Twix, ignore the advertisements.
Rating: 4 and 1/2 cookie crunch
UPDATE 2002: Reese's Fastbreak: While I am pleased to see the good folks at Reese's working hard and trying out new things, I'm not really into this. I was so psyched to see the huge bin of this new chocolate, peanut butter, cookie cruncher at the end of the checkout aisle that I bought a couple of 'em, and by the third I had had enough for quite some time. But I do appreciate the effort. p.s. The wrapper has changed color from blue to orange. Wow.
Rating: 2 wanna-be twix
UPDATE2003: Dark Chocolate Kitkat: I've said it before and I'll say it again, we need more Kitkat variations here in America. The Dark Chocolate Kitkat is a good start. This is as you would expect it, delicious. It comes in a deluxe silver foil wrapper so you can't miss it. The only problem is the disturbing presence of the words "Limited Edition". Limited to how many? How rare is the Kitkat Dark? How many should I stockpile?
Rating: 4 crispy wafer bars
White Chocolate Kitkat: Just as gross as it sounds. Who are these people who are purchasing white chocolate products? I've never seen anybody prefer white chocolate over milk or dark in my life. And yet "limited edition" white chocolate variations of my favorite sweets are popping up like pimples on my complexion. And they are just about as welcome.
Rating: 1/2 at best. Maybe none.
Inside Out Reese's Peanut Butter Cups: Holy shit! Reese somehow put the peanut butter on the outside and the chocolate on the inside. And it tastes fantastic. Of all the gimmicky cups Reese is testing out these days, this takes the prize. Who is Reese anyways?
Rating: 4 cups down my throat in about 2 minutes
UPDATE2004: click here for sweet satisfaction - with images this time

check out the Eurocandy Reviews in Nice Guy 18